I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
