dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
