Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
