no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
