Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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