I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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