I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
