you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
