I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize