I need to stop coming to work sober
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
