woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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