genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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