I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
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Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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