Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
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Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
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I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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