Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
