he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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