So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
