I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
