Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
