So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
