No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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