I bet he comes in French.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
you had me at cake vodka
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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