Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
