I would go down on you faster than GM stock
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
