I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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