ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
