This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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