i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
