there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
