Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
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I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
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I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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