and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
