Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
nutella sex= disaster
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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