Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
