I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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