My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
