i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
