Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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