I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
