I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
