the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
