Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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