I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
