I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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