I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
