sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
