I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
