Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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