No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
