You're completely useless in the revolution.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
