am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize