He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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