Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
