He disabled his match.com account in front of me
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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