I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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