I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
