you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
