Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
