Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
